Let’s Talk About My Abrupt Absences

 

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I am cheating. This is not about books, nor a discussion post so much as an explanation. An awkward and maybe overly drawn out one. I asked myself twenty times, is it ok to talk about me and my life? But since this is my blog and some followers have expressed concern, I cam to the conclusion that as long as I do not make it a habit, an explanation is okay. I hope I am right 😉

I have had a rough two months. That remark is not pessimism, just simple honesty and acknowledgment. I am okay with it because I know it will happen and next month is another chance to do it better. But many having been asking in on me lately when I “disappear” so today I am doing something that I have been afraid to do. Discussing why the “Vertigo” in Books, Vertigo and Tea.

So let me explain that when I say fear, I am not afraid of being accepted, so many of you have done so openly. I am not afraid of sounding crazy, most of you know that I am 😉

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked.
“Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “we’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”
“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.
“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

I am afraid of coming across as angered and sad, but that is exactly what I am not anymore. So please remember that some of this is a reflection of where I was and not where I am.

Feel free to skip this if you have no desire to read it and no offense will be taken.  I am not sure I would read it. I have been completely clueless on how to do this or whether I even should. However, after having established many wonderful connections in the blogging world, I have come to realize just how many share experiences similar to what has become my daily life. I have received several emails recently that made the decision for me. I was going to write this post.

There is a great bit of uplifting and sense of empowerment that can come from the knowledge that our struggles are shared. Sometimes feeling alone is the worst and we need reminders. Reminders that people do actually “get it” . And you know what, some never will or will not care. That is okay. But since my crazy ass has been disappearing lately, it is probably a good idea to follow through with this post. I hope…

Let’s start from the beginning for those of you who might not be as familiar with the beauty that is me 😉

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What you are looking at is a mother of two, who hit the hardest point in her life (close second would be divorce haha) nearly two years ago when she realized it would never be the same. Kinda cute, right? Ok that is debatable as well, but feel free to say so in the comments (maybe it will earn you a future spotlight on the blog – takers?). A girl can try. The bottom line is I have been through some hard shit, and I was not prepared for it. Are we ever?

If you have read my About Me, you get the idea. I suffer from vertigo, intense migraines and cluster headaches, with severe hearing loss, nerve pain.. yada yada. What’s the big deal? I asked myself this very question multiple times, but as my conditioned progressed, I learned something. For me, it was a big deal. A huge deal to be honest.

I can’t flipping walk straight or hear half of the damn time. I have lost my ability to drive , and have downgraded to part-time work from home. I am isolated. 20161117_145704Not to mention the pounds a person will additionally pack on when they are stuck on their ass or in bed for days at a time. I am officially the proud owner of the label “chronically ill with an invisible illness”.  Yet it doesn’t feel invisible! Countless doctors, specialists, labs and scans revealed two things: 1. I have lovingly rented a small section of my brain out to a lesion free of charge and 2. No one really has answers and I am sinking a lot of money and time into the same response, “We just may never know.”

Can you put that on my tab? *winking at the MRI technician*.

It gets exhausting.  So I have done what any normal human being would do, I have cried, I have cursed, I have fallen into depression and anger. I began missing even more of my life because I was too busy seeking someone or something to blame. I had a new agenda and it was ugly. It took literally a year of allowing myself to be tossed around and seeking non-existing gratification before I realized that the illness was no longer my biggest problem. That finger that needed to be pointed, that was the real issue. I was no longer looking for a resolution, I was consumed with the need to blame. I needed something or someone to project this all onto, and it wasn’t there. In fact, it may never be there. People often live many years with invisible, chronic illness before ever receiving a true diagnosis. So what makes me so special?

Nothing! And while that sounds like a horrible response, it was the best answer I could ever truly give myself. I deserved that answer, and I owed it to myself and my family. Why? because the moment I stopped insisting I was different and learned to suck it and stop searching for a place to lay blame, I began to put together my new life.

20161117_161605I was able to rid myself of some of the unnecessary trips to multiple doctors, throw away about 11 of the pointless meds I have been swallowing down and embrace this new and confusing body.

I am not telling anyone to ever stop moving forward or searching for answers. There is always hope, and it is a beautiful, life saving thing. I am merely telling you that if you fall into the cycle of anger, it will consume you worse than the disease. Let it go, let it be and live. Live with what you have and who you are.  I have learned that who I was yesterday no longer matters. Today counts though and tomorrow holds endless possibilities. And sometimes I will still act like a shit, but in the end it is okay.

Now I live each day full of mystery and intrigue! But I wake up and drink my morning cocktail with pride. And let’s be honest, cocktails in the morning can be fun! What girl or guy couldn’t go for a quick pick me up?  I have an endless supply of Valium…

So that has kind of been me in a nutshell as of late. Sometimes it is fantastic, sometimes my head is in the toilet while I fight bouts of vertigo and nausea.  Sometimes I am gone for a day or two or three.

I guess what I am hoping to achieve with this, is similar to what most of us want at some point, a connection with those who understand or care enough to. Because it sucks when shit goes wrong unexpectedly. Because it is okay to feel bad, and it is great to laugh, but it is always better with friends! And you are my friends. So I am inviting you to know me a little me more going forward. I don’t want to continue to live behind a curtain. It isn’t my style. So I am quickly hitting publish before I chicken out..

So…

WHAT TIME IS IT!?

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That was a freebie 😉 Some of you will get it, some won’t haha. Now get busy picking me apart in those comments!

Danielle ❤

 

120 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About My Abrupt Absences

  1. Oh, love! First let me start by saying you are gorgeous inside and out 🙂

    I have a friend who suffers from cluster headaches, I personally struggle with chronic migraines (some up to 3-4 days and always an 8-10 on the pain scale!) and I have an aunt with vertigo. Now, dealing with ONE of those is hard enough. Dealing with them all? You’re bound to feel defeated at some point before you find your strength again.

    You don’t have to justify how you feel or why you feel it to anyone. You are entitled to your emotions and good on you for opening up and expressing what you’re going through.

    I hope you find answers at some point, and I admire you for your ability to accept your position and keep pushing forward. There are always sh*tty days and good days and I hope you have more good than bad but the main thing is that you just keep on going and that is so admirable!

    I for one am perfectly happy for you to share personal posts when you feel the need. I often share personal tid bits within my reviews. I think it’s just another way to connect with your audience and who knows who else may find solace in your post 🙂

    Thank you for sharing with us. xo

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you ❤ I am in a pretty good headspace now, but I keep taking small leaves and receive so many wonderful emails and messages expressing concern. I felt it was an appropriate time to let everyone know that it is ok, but this is what is happening.
      You have been wonderful! Everyone has. This is such a fantastic community. I know that if I ever feel low or down, I can turn here for support ❤ thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Danielle, thanks for sharing so much of yourself. I can’t imagine how these past couple of years have been for you and didn’t realize you also suffer from migraines on top of the vertigo:( Vertigo is truly debilitating and my heart goes out to you. I wish for you answers at some point and more good days than bad. You’re in my thoughts, sending *hugs* from Ohio:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Renee ❤ I do okay really. I have learned to accept this. The hardest part now is having to sometimes put commitments and things off. You know how it is. We always want to give our all. I feel bummed at times when I have to slow down and do less ❤ You have been fabulous through and through and I thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Danielle, is that thing on your head, which cracked me up(sorry lol) from Adventure Time? I’m sorry you have such bad days and I’m sure some days it hurts just to breathe. Thank you for being so open and know that I consider you my friend too. I’m here if you ever need to vent or yell or whatever!! Sending you big virtual hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. First Danielle, I’m going to echo Sarah’s comment and say you are beautiful inside and out. I’m also adding in courageous. Second, I’m sending you a GINORMOUS Hug! I know how difficult it can be to put yourself out there. I’m so glad you did, yet at the same time, I’m sorry about your suffering. As you know I suffer from vicious migraines as well. Thank God I’ve only had two cluster headaches in my life, because both times I thought of killing myself because of the pain. I also have vertigo, fibro, neuropathy, and a couple of other autoimmune disorders. My doctor has a theory that because of childhood abuse and the migraines, the rest of my body was put under too much stress which triggered the autoimmune issues. I also have two small lesions on the left side of my brain which is where most of my migraines hit. My neurologist assures me that they’re completely harmless–just scar tissue from the chronic migraines, but given that my dad died of a brain tumor after a lifetime of migraines, somehow this hasn’t made me feel any better! I know exactly what you mean about letting go of the anger. Now days I battle more with depression and anxiety. I had to leave my dream job and go on disability, and except for my husband I’m pretty much isolated. As soon as I left my job, the people I thought were my friends dropped me like a hot potato. One positive thing that came out of this was since I was no longer on my feet so much (I was a children’s librarian) I was able to wean myself off of several meds. God! The side effects can be brutal can’t they? Is your current cocktail doing anything for the pain? One non drug related item I have in my arsenal is my migra-cap. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but it was developed by a British neurologist who is also a migraineur. It’s this Lycra cap that has these little ice packs sewn in that hit all the places where pain usually is: under the eyes, the back of the head, base of the head/neck area, temples, etc. My husband stumbled across it one day about ten years ago when he was looking up migraine relief online. I know you can find them on a lot of sites now, including Amazon. I think they’ve gotten a little pricey at somewhere around $80, but they last forever. I still have my original one! The one other question I have is have tried oxygen therapy for your cluster headaches? When I had my second bout with them, that’s what my doctor had me do for two weeks. They never came back after that. Of course Inhave no idea why I got them to begin with, so it could be a complete coincidence, but I thought I’d put it out there. I’m sorry for this over-long response! Let me just finish by saying to please hang in there, and I’m so glad you wrote this post. In my opinion you couldn’t find a more caring and supportive group of people than the WordPress community. I think I probably would have lost my mind if I hadn’t started blogging here. Hugs and Kisses!
    Kim

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Please do not apologize for the longer response! I was aware of your migraines, but not the full extent. I appreciate that you took the time to share so much with me in response to this post. It is a much needed reminder that people can relate and understand and I thank you dearly for that ❤

      I may have to look into the cap. Right now I have an ice pack eye mask and take a combinations of seizure meds and Valium. The seizure meds help tremendously, but have limited my ability to take most of my PRN migraine meds. So some days are just go to bed and tough it out days. I live in the dark with ice haha. So I love the cap idea!!! Actually googling now haha. Thank you ❤

      I am the same with you that I feel my blog has helped me maintain my sanity. You are all so amazing! Seriously, what would I do without you? I have no clue ❤ Hugs and Kisses!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I happened to look on Amazon and I was wrong about the price for the migraine cap. It’s only around $40! I don’t know what seizure meds you’re on but I tried Depakote, which gave me these horrible night terrors, and Topamax, which came with it’s own set of side effects, although I did lose about 25 lbs while I was on it! I completely relate to living in the dark with ice. I keep telling my husband I’m really a vampire!💁🏻❤️

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Haha I was just looking at the cap when I saw your comment 😉 What are the odds. Neither of those worked well for me (meds). I am on Carbamazepine three times daily now and it has helped. It also stops the tremors so I am very thankful for that. Cap is going into my wishlist right now haha. thank you ❤

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Anytime Danielle. We migraineurs have to stick together! I’m going to look up that med. My medical practice was just taken over by a new dr. and I was just told today he won’t fill my prescriptions for fioricet any longer. So, I have an appointment with him on Monday. My anxiety is off the charts right now because adding to this I have no health insurance at the moment.😕

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Oh I am so sorry! I had to tackle this initially with no insurance so my heart truly goes out to you! It can feel so daunting.

              I didn’t have enough luck with Fioricet to justify taking it. Some friends I know say it does wonders. I hope you find an affordable and solid solution!

              Hugs ❤

              Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for sharing, sometimes it helps to know you’re not alone. I like what you said about letting it go and just living. Sounds like you’ve turned a corner there and it’s inspiring. I’ve had vertigo due to an inner ear thing and would lose a day because it wipes you out and it’s hard to do anything when the world is spinning around anyway. I haven’t had it in a long time (knock on wood) and it’s nothing compared to what you’re dealing with, but I can understand it a little. I’ll be praying for you too and you have lots of friends here. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Thank you for this heartfelt and beautiful post. It’s hard to lay yourself bare, but your honesty is refreshing, and I hope you know the blogging community is here to support you! xo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. First of all, let’s just lay this little pearl of wisdom out there for you IT IS YOUR BLOG, YOU CAN WRITE ABOUT WHATEVER THE F*CK YOU WANT! The only thing that should stop you is yourself and if you don’t want to not anyone else.

    I think most people realised that the ‘vertigo’ in Books, Tea and Vertigo was the illness and that you suffer from it, I’d presume they did anyway just like I presume they realise that the ‘tattooed’ in The Tattooed Book Geek means that I have tattoos!

    Thank you for sharing such a personal post. I suffer on occasion from quite bad headaches, I can’t read or watch TV and end up sitting on the sofa with a cold wet flannel over my eyes to try and get rid of the pain, usually works in a few hours but I had one last week that lasted for three days.

    It’s nothing like what you or others go through but my point I guess is that, I don’t really feel pain, unhappiness and all that sh*t yeah but that’s mental anguish “hello knife, let’s play” and that sort of stuff. But, physical pain and stuff, no, I just deal with it and brush it off, but headaches cripple me, I can’t sleep, can’t do anything and they make me feel really ill and that’s only a headache, whereas what you go through is a million times worse, so I guess my point was that I, along with others can only imagine the pain and anguish that you go through and suffer with whenever you have an attack and in general as it’s sadly always there.

    See………..rambling rules! 🙂

    It must be hard that it came on so quick and in later life too, not later life that your an elderly person but in the sense that it’s not something you’ve had since childhood and suffered with your entire life having time and coming to accept it from always living with it, it just appeared/started and that I imagine is hard to accept.

    My mother is old, ha, she has to be as I’m not young!lol But a few years ago (December 2013) she took ill, seriously ill and could have died, no warning, nothing and while she’s back as best she can be to her old self she’ll never be the same, she has to take tablets everyday, etc and what she has will always be there now, it’s part of her and it could happen again with no warning, it could just get worse and then she’d need a serious operation. But, there was no reason for it to happen, she’s quite a unique case actually and I guess the point is, sh*t happens for no apparent or discernable reason at times and you are left wondering why and sadly it is then a part of you and you have to just try your best to move on and make it a part of who you are and not actually the whole of who you are – if that makes sense, bear in mind that it’s 3.30am in the UK so I’m not entirely awake yet! 😀

    Future blog spotlight??? I’m intrigued!🤔

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The future spotlight was those whose agreed I was cute in the comments haha 😉 Me being a smart ass.

      I didn’t realize you suffer headaches as well. I am bummed to hear that because they are of the suck for sure. I don’t use a wet flannel but ice certainly helps.
      I am terribly sorry that your mom went through such an ordeal. I cannot imagine how terrifying it must have been. The thought that it could happen again is one that has to be impossible to shut out completely.
      I think I do rather well now, for where I am at. And surgery and a form of treatment through a series of injections might be an option after this next scan rules out a few things. I think the unexpected part mixed with raising kids was the hardest.
      I think everyone knows I suffer a bit, but I still feel some slight guilt when I just disappear without a word. So I hope this helps explain that a bit better 😉 Thank you for taking the time to remind me that I am not alone in my struggles and for so much more recently! You have been a wonderful friend. May dare insert a ❤ to show my appreciation for you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I only occasionally get headaches thankfully but they put me out of commission, not trying to be manly but pain doesn’t really bother me (emotional pain yes, hence the dark poetry) but give me a headache, especially a bad one and the world is ending!😂

        Ha, I can’t refer to anyone as cute, cute isn’t a Drew word, I have my reputation to think of, Drew is the bad boy of blogging!🤘👊

        It definitely helped explain things a lot better, you wrote a very personal and emotional post with some humour thrown in to, it must have been hard to write it’s sometimes good to share.

        Posts like this are also important, they show the blogger behind the blog and especially with bloggers suffering harassment and all the blogger bashing and stuff that goes on, it’s a shame those authors don’t read these type of posts instead of just thinking of us as ‘bloggers’ when we’re not, we are people who put some of their personality into their blogs, Books, Tea and Vertigo is a blog and this shows Danielle the person behind the blog like Liz is Queen Fussypussy the freaking third and not cover to cover and I’m not The Tattooed Book Geek, I’m Drew, we are all people behind the blog.😀

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank you so much Drew. You better settle down or people are going to start getting the impression that underneath that bad boy persona is a truly good guy 😉 Just saying. I know you have certainly helped my ass survive these last two weeks and that will not be forgotten!

          I don’t mind physical pain too much unless it is a headache, ears or a toothache. The rest I manage. But unfortunately, haha.. it is always a headache and ears. Sucks for me bahaha 😛

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Thank-you for sharing. Not that I have any idea what you are going through, or how hard it is. But I could really relate to getting past the anger. I have been in chronic pain, for about 10 years because a doctor made a mistake when I was 15. Not that these are a like in any way, but I did appreciate your post. I can totally get where you are coming from I could only imagine doing it with two kids,I wish you the best of luck, and I am sending happy, healing thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that you get it completely then. You have been through the challenging of having to accept and let go of the anger. It can be harder than the pain and illness at times (at least for me). Thank you for sharing that with me. It means so much to be receiving so much support and actual understanding. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree moving on is the hardest, pain can be exhausting and really wears you down. But anger takes a while to get over, and sometimes I still get angry, and a lot of the time it’s at my own body for not being able to do what I want it too.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Thank you so much for sharing this part of yourself with us. I can definitely understand how posting this struggle is nerve wracking. Never feel bad for posting anything, personal or otherwise! I’m quite unfamiliar with vertigo as a chronic illness, so thank you for taking the time to explain and share your experience, and I really appreciate your honesty when it comes to dealing with it. I also tend to isolate myself when I find myself in times of struggle, and it can be so hard to break out of that and share yourself, even with the closest of friends. So thank you for taking the time to write this out and share it with all of us! And with such a sense of humor, too. I find your strength very admirable and inspiring. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and always know you have us for support! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤ It is definitely easy to find ourselves isolated during those difficult times. So you are absolutely right. I always want to withdraw. I am trying to work on that.. but baby steps right 😉 You are absolutely wonderful and I appreciate it all ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m going to echo Drew here: your blog is your little corner of the internet. You can do whatever you want with it. If writing about not feeling well makes you feel even the slightest bit better, then write about it. I can’t speak for anything else, but I’ll still read, no matter what you write.

    I hope you and the doctors figure out what’s going on, and soon! I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do it half as well as you are. I’m such a wimp when I feel sick.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha Kim, do not worry.. I am a bit of a wimp also 😉 Just ask the nonhusband. I tend to cry and moan a lot behind closed doors, I assure you.

      We are actually making progress and there may be some possible treatment options soon, fingers crossed!

      Thank you for being so marvelous and willing to read anything I throw at you ❤ It means the world!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Thanks for sharing, you are not alone. Some days are shitty and others you think, it’s going to be ok. My word for the year is Moments. I no longer worry about what my illness will bring. I live in the moment, making the most of them, and don’t spend time worrying if everything on my list gets done. I will be thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah “moments” ❤ Love it. Mine has been "acceptance". I have been telling myself "acceptance of expectations". Obviously this does not mean giving up, but sometimes things are just ok 🙂 Thank you for the wonderful reminder and support!

      Like

  12. So sorry to hear about your problems Danielle but it’s your blog, your rules so you can post what you want when you want! I also suffer from vertigo so have every sympathy for you I don’t think people realise just how much it effects you and as for the tiredness we won’t even go there! I also had loads of tests, scans blah blah but they never could get to the bottom of it. Although they did say it could be hormonal and now that I’m getting older cough!cough! I dont tend to get so many bouts. You are a inspiration to others and your humour shines through even on your worse days, so on the bad days take care of yourself and on good days embrace them. Thinking of you and sending you big hugs x x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh you ❤ I have no words for the joy you have added to my life. You have been there all along cheering and supporting. Each interaction offering my a smile! I draw a lot of strength and positivity from you! Wanna come visit in Portland? 😉

      Like

  13. Very moving post and well done for sharing. Your blog, your rules, and as you can see, plenty of people who understand or sympathise. Woke up with migraine, feeling grotty and depressed today, and this was a timely reminder that a ‘why me?’ attitude only ever takes you so far…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry your morning started off so bad! I hope by the time you see this response that you are feeling much much better. That is never an easy way to begin. Thank you for the support 🙂 If you ever want to complain about headaches, I am good at that!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, and wishing you all the best too. Only thing that has worked (occasionally) for me has been Naratriptan or equivalent medicine, but it’s prescription only and needs to be monitored regularly by GP.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I have been on many triptans and they had to discontinue them with my newer meds. There were a few that did help with the onset though. However, it was occassional just as you mentioned.

          Like

  14. Sending you lots of hugs Danielle! I love your blog and I don’t want you to feel pressure because you can take time off for how long you want. Thanks for sharing more about yourself. You seem to me like an amazing person and I am glad to internet know you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am very glad to “internet” know you as well! I do feel pressured at times, but it is a personal hang up. I have unrealistic expectations at times and always want to do more. I am hoping that sharing this will help better cope with those days I cannot do it. I look forward to much more conversing! I hope you have a wonderful weekend 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Thanks so much for sharing this Danielle I’ve had vertigo and it was so scary and debilitating! I also had a bad six months of Labyrinthitis quite a few years ago, which still flares up every now and then, normally caused by stress. I can’t imagine all that you’ve been through, but I definitely get all the anger, uncertainly, needing answers and then the acceptance of it all. Always remember you’re among friends and you don’t need to explain any absences, just take good care of yourself and post when you feel you are able to. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. With friends like you and the amount of support I receive, it is hard not to feel the love ❤ You have been awesome!
      I am sorry about the Labyrinthitis . Yuck! So you have definitely felt the effects of the vertigo and all. I hope that is not flaring up too often.
      Have a great weekend dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. This is how I know you, you’re so brave! Brave too for share something so personal and I love you even more for it. It makes me and the rest of us feel we get to know the real you. I’m glad you can place it and get past the anger, which I think is a very normal reaction and emotion to go through. It’s a process but I see you’re on the way now of dealing with the obstacles you’re faced with every day. I can imagine it must still be hard and frustrating at times. I had no idea either that vertigo meant loss of hearing.. I guess I know even less about it than I thought, which is why this post is even more important. Just know that it doesn’t matter if you’re away for a few days, a few weeks or even a month, we’ll still be here waiting for you. Cocktails in the morning can be fun, that’s just hilarious :-).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh dear Inge ❤ You have been here since I started this tiny blog supporting me 🙂 You hold a special place in my heart.

      The hearing loss is an effect of what is causing the vertigo and not the actual vertigo. The whole mess ties in. I may have some options soon. I am super excited about that!
      How are you? Are you all better now I hope! You had a nasty bug huh? Hopefully you have a fun weekend with some rest lined up ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s super good news that you’ve got options to explore and I hope one of them will really help you. As for me, yes I’m all better now but I got it good, and I’ve just picked up a book again after a week of not reading :-). I’m keeping my fingers crossed March will be a good month for us both!

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Well, I wrote a looooong comment, but I guess the nargles ate it. Ha ha!

    *BIG BIG HUGS* Dealing with symptômes du jour, myself, I’ve got your back, sistah! Having to go with the flow is totally different than giving up, so you are STRONG, little lady, STRONG! I had a member of a local activists group crawling all up my butt on our Facebook group about me not physically attending more protests and rallies. All I could say in that specific place was that I have a very busy Iife and full schedule, but I truly wanted to give her the whole lousy breakdown. Explaining things on your blog is probably the perfect place, I would say. Plus, you just made your blogging life easier… now when you need to explain things all you have to do is add the link. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha La La I do love you! You always get it and know what to say 😉 I know you have me!
      Seriously, it would have been hard not to call them out in the group. I am honestly surprised you did not. That is some serious self restraint sista!

      XOXO

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Great post, I know it must have taken a lot to be so open. I can relate to a lot of what you’ve written, even though I have a different condition. I often disappear from social media/blogging for a little while and then come back when I feel well enough and now I’m more open in my wrap-ups about the sort of week or month I’ve had people are generally so understanding. I hope it will be the same for you now. I’ve realised, with time and a fair bit of anger and a lot of tears along the way, that I have to accept the things I can’t change otherwise I will drive myself mad. I will never recover from the damage done to my spinal cord. However, I’ve also realised that I can still keep trying, I can still keep looking for new ways to to do things. I can still have a happy life in spite of the constant pain and level of disability. I still have bad days when I don’t cope so well, and then there are the days when I feel like I can’t survive the level of pain I’m in but somehow I do and when it eases off a bit I try to remind myself to enjoy the days when it’s not so bad, because that’s what keeps me going me through the really bad days. If you ever want a chat, know I’m here. Sending hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

  19. You are amazing, I am so blessed not only to have you as a fellow blogger but as a friend. I”m sorry you have to go through this crap but am glad that 98% of the time your positive outlook shines through!!! Look how much everyone loves you for who you are…

    PS… I got the Adventure time reference… scary I know.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. One of the many, many things I admire about you is your strength and positivity. Both of these things shine through your words and I know it might sound somewhat cliched, but you really are an inspiration. Despite everything you’ve gone through, and continue to go through, you tackle the immense challenges you face with your illness and come out on the other side still smiling (and can I just say, you have a beautiful smile <3) and victorious. You're the embodiment of courage and strength and I know the insight you've offered us into your life will serve as inspiration and hope to others experiencing similar illnesses.

    I'm so happy to be able to call such a brave and wonderful person my friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Thank you for having the courage to share your feelings, Danielle. Know that you are not alone.Just do the best that you can for you, and your family! You are entitled to your feelings, and don’t let anyone take that away!I I am sorry that you are having a difficult time, and I pray that you have many sunshine days ahead!!Sending hugs, Linda

    Like

  22. First of all- thank you for sharing so openly and honestly, and may I add- with a dose of your special brand of humor. You put the human emotion down to a T and no one could disagree with the way you dealt… I have always believed, no matter the case, sometimes you just have to hit the rock bottom to be able to notice the solution and I am so glad that you found the strength in you to accept, and live and just simply be.
    Honestly? I would like to address two things… First being- I gathered from the blog name and some of the FB posts that you were dealing with vertigo. However your presence and support to other bloggers has been fantastic and I don’t know how you’ve managed to just give out that special kind of sparkle that is YOU to others. Its admirable and you’re truly- strong!
    Second? Disappearances… This blogging, FB is just social media so anyone who dares to voice their ‘dislike’ over your disappearance of not being active enough wit comments, or social media can go suck something, because social media and bloggign, while utterly fun and great entertainment, is not and should not be the priority when dealing with health issues. I don’t mind people literally not having the days/weeks to constantly keep the online presence- we have jobs, we have families, we have our very selves to look after… Sure, it’s great to have this corner of a www to find likeminded people, to speak to someone who can relate… but you just have to go with your gutfeeling.. and if it’s time to disconnect, then there ain’t no fucker that should stop you or make you feel guilty about not being able to post on someone’s review…

    but finishing this post with a positive- really, Danielle… you’re a force to be reckoned with because even though you have had your inner battles and your condition, you have been here and present for so many of us and now it’s time for us to give you the support you need… I have a shitton of virtual hugs I don’t share very often because I’m Estonian and we don’t do that much of that close contact thing, but all the virtual hugs I have- they’re yours!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Liz you had me with “can go suck something” haha. You are a woman after my own heart and rock in the most fantastic ways!
      You do point out some very valid points about social media and blogging that I must keep in mind when that dirty little guilt starts to slip in.. sneaky bastard! It is never to take precedence over life and health. And yes, I need to remember that if someone cannot understand this.. well enough said.
      I hope you know that I take receiving virtual hugs from you as a comment of the highest standards. Will you cringe if I give you returning virtual hugs? 😉 ❤ You are great!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Hi, Danielle. This is Geoffrey here (think “Dragon”). I hope that you are well; and I have to admit that I don’t often read the blog.

    Well, your post was moving, and you laid your heart out before everyone. I believe that you are a good person. Headaches torture me all the time (I think they are migraines, though I could be wrong). I don’t know much about vertigo, but I myself suffer from OCD, or at least I used to suffer; for I have almost wholly recovered. These illnesses of the mind and brain can be overcome, and I have never been to a doctor about it.

    You are a noble person, and I wish you (and your family) all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Sounds like you deserve a bravery award for facing up to this and trying to find some positives in it. I’m glad you feel you can share with your fellow bloggers – I think we’re all lucky to have stumbled into this very supportive community. Appear and disappear when you like/need to – your blog buddies will be around whenever you are! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  25. It’s always a struggle to bring our real selves into our blogs, because it’s so much easier to hide behind the persona that we’ve created. I can be Birdie Bookworm online, and sound vivacious funny. Leaving comments on others blogs like I’m a social butterfly. I feel like people would never guess that my social/general anxiety can be debilitating. That physically talking to anyone makes the words jumble from my head to my mouth, and I sweat, and sway, and even a small normal decision fills me with emotional agony. And talking about those parts of us that we been taught to think of negatively is the hardest of all, because it’s not only opening up but it’s cracking that persona. I know when I do I constantly worry that I’m sounding whiny. Like right now, I’m so worried that this comment is too much about me, or that I’m going to sound like a moron even daring to compare what you’re going through with what I go through. Because I should just be able to suck it up… I just want you to know that I appreciate you opening yourself up, and this has probably been my favorite post you’ve written because I feel like I know you a little more.

    Please know that not once in your entire post did you sound angered and sad. You remembered feeling that way, but now you sound empowered.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh love, your comment was perfect and made so much sense to me! I would never guess that you suffer anxiety, but your are right. We get to somewhat hide behind the screen. It makes it easier. Thank you for all of the lovely interactions and being here. Should you ever need to actually whine for a bit, I would be happy to listen 😉 But at no point did you sound whiny!

      Like

  26. Thank you so much for taking the time to share something so intimate and important in your life. You should definitely say anything and everything you want to say through your blog. It is your little sanctuary and your creation. What you want to share is entirely up to you, and I’m pretty sure your followers are all wonderful people who would ONLY love to support you in all the decisions and moments you go through in your life. While the struggles you’ve been through are nothing that I’d wish upon anyone, I strongly believe that you’ve taking the right decisions to this day. It must be a horrible feeling to having this inner urge to want to point a finger at something in order to pour all that anger on it. I’m glad that you were able to ponder the idea and come to the conclusion that it isn’t the most important thing to do if you want to live your life at the fullest. I’m happy that you are doing what you love in your life. I hope only the best for the future and for everything you decide to strive for. Take care, Danielle! 😉 We’re all here to listen to you and be by your side through this virtual world.

    – Lashaan

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I felt so bad reading this 😦 No one should experience this kind of stuff, it’s so unfair. I can’t imagine how you feel… Whatever you decide to do (take some time off the blog or not) and if you decide to share your journey with us, you need to know that we’ll be here ❤ You're so brave!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Annie ❤ There is no need to feel bad though. I am in a good head space right now. Acceptance is key. I just want to let everyone in enought to understand why I disappear or seem out of it at times. You and this community provide me with the most incredible support!

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Thank you for sharing this, Danielle. Opening yourself like this takes courage. I couldn’t fathom suffering through a fraction of what you endure on a day-to-day basis. Seriously, mad props to you. Nobody here can remedy your physical pain, but we can sure keep you company as you go through rough patches. We’re here!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. My sweet sweet pie, it is totally okay to talk about yourself and your life as long as this is what you want and you don’t feel pressured to explain yourself to any of us ❤ Thank you for this post, so much ❤ I noticed it helped me to just vent on the blog and let it out, so if you ever need to do so, it's totally fine and I hope we can help you lift the burden daily life brings at times. I am loving every word you said about the sharing part. I get it, I get you, I love all and every part of you, the hardest and the best, because they are part of the fantastic friend I am lucky to have.
    How weird that we were met with our breaking point around the same time, almost two years ago, on two different continents? 🙂 The anger part is such a pain to get rid of. I am happy and proud of how strong you are to have let go to embrace the person you have become and stopped fighting yourself to try and live with that part of you. "I have learned that who I was yesterday no longer matters." This is a lesson I have still to learn 🙂 I am clinging to the person I was when I was healthy, silly me!
    I care, I read it all, I love you lots, I'm there whether your head is in a book or in the toilet bowl ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You my dear are a pillar of strength and support that I cannot possibly explain accurately through a keyboard. I know that I am better and stronger for our chats and will always have somewhere to turn ❤

      I look for too many more chats.. be it bitching or sharing the good. I think you do not give yourself enough credit and acknowledgement, but the value you add to my life in indescribable. Thank you for all of it and thank you for you ❤ My adorable waffle lover!

      Like

  30. Wow! I don’t know what to say which hasn’t already been said above– but you are so strong to share your story! You couldn’t be more on point when you said, “There is a great bit of uplifting and sense of empowerment that can come from the knowledge that our struggles are shared. Sometimes feeling alone is the worst and we need reminders.” It’s easy for our brain to trick us into being alone and afraid. Thank you for letting the community in! While I haven’t been through anything like that you’ve been through, I do empathize. I can’t imagine what it must be like being stuck at home all the time, let alone living with what you are living with. Yet you show the bravest face to the world.

    Always remember that you are loved. You are an amazing woman with an incredible mind and a loving heart. This community wouldn’t be the same without you. Heck *I* wouldn’t! You should always take the time you need and know we are here for you. ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  31. What a wonderful post! It’s not easy to talk about youself, your health and your feelings but I was very struck by your honesty and emotion. The invisible illness is something that others can be quick to judge you on as you don’t look sick when they look at you-but internally a war is raging in your body that they know nothing about. I’ve battled stress and depression for the last 15 years and although I don’t have the same terrible symptoms that you are enduring, I’ve had that whole spectrum of feelings…anger, sadness, frustration, misery, uselessness. You are entitled to have those feelings so don’t be ashamed of them as you’re only human. You can only do your best and face each day one day at a time and your health comes before blog posting so don’t worry about enforced absences. If others choose to judge meanly, they are not worth your time. You are facing your health issues with great strength and fortitude and I really admire that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This comment was exactly what I needed to read today. I want to say thank you in the most sincerest way. I woke sick and was struggling to just do anything remotely “normally” like shower or cook. I have spent half of the day frustrated and exhausted.. then I see this! And you remind me it is ok. It doesn’t matter that not everyone will get it. And most importantly, I don’t always have to be happy. Thank you!

      Like

  32. I am so happy that you decided to share this post Danielle. Thank you for sharing something that was so personal. I find it inspiring that you had the courage to admit that you were not in a good place, and have decided to pick yourself up, accept the hand you were dealt, and not let it consume your life anymore. I get bad migraines a few times a year that completely knock me off my ass, so I cannot even begin to imagine what you go through on a daily basis… Keep fighting Danielle, I hope that at some point you will get the answers you deserve.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Amanda ❤ It is a struggle that is becoming more difficult to contain so sometimes I just need an outlet. But I feel things are moving in a positive direction with the help of support from friends such as you ❤ I know I always have somewhere to turn. That means the world!!

      Liked by 1 person

  33. Thanks for sharing this part about you, Danielle. Sometimes it is hard to reveal parts of our lives on here because people can be critical. But this is your blog, so you can post whatever you feel like posting. Frig those who don’t like or want to read it.
    I do hope things get better for you though. I can’t truly relate to what you’re going through, but I understand being angry and depressed when life takes a turn that you don’t agree with or that you’re unprepared for.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! You have been wonderful and supportive since the beginning. I always enjoy our interactions and it means a lot to know that you get the emotions I go through. Sometimes I get caught up in how mentally taxed I am that it feels like it eats away at me. Thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  34. Hey Danielle, I’ve just recently checked out your blog but I just want to say that you are bot alone. I have horrbile headaches every month that last for 2-5 days and nobody can really tell me why and I’m deaf on my right ear..Sometimes Accupressure helps a little, maybe that’s something for you, too? You are not alone and it’s okay to feel Handicapped and unable and angry sometimes. I like making jokes about it sometimes but it’s hard to live with it. You’re not alone and I’m glad you try your best to not be depressed by it all. Don’t feel ashamed or weird for sharing 💕🐮

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤ The constant reminder that some do get it provides a lot of strength on days like today. I have definitely considered acupressure and therapies, but write now I am awaiting another scan to rule out a few more things and reassess the lesion. I will keep it in mind as I may be able to approach some new therapy after this 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  35. Hi Danielle! I only just met you, but I am here to support you! I think you are amazing and you are strong, stronger than people who have no illnesses surely because they don’t understand what it takes to get through just a single day. I don’t have serious migraines like you, but I’ve had some crippling ones and I wouldn’t wish that day-to-day on anyone. So, I may not know what exactly you are going through, but I am here for you.

    P.s. I think you are such an inspiration because you shared something so personal on your blog. That takes courage and I have yet to find mine to do the same. Thank you for showing me what an amazing thing it can be! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Melanie! I don’t aim to be courageous nor do I feel so. I just feel safe in this community and need somewhere to turn at times. We all do 😉 You and so many others have been so welcoming and accepting of everything that I do and am. There is great strength in that. So seriously, thank you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  36. I know where you are coming from I used to have Migraines almost every day for about 6 years they started right after my first sinus surgery when i was 11 and they took 8 1/2 pounds of tumors out of my head. after my second surgery for the same thing they slowly started to stop I still get them some times but not that often. I can also sympathize with the invisible illness thing. I was Diagnosed with Narcolepsy in 2001. I hear all the time ( mostly from my soon to be ex-wife who has never had a job in her life) that I am just lazy ass hole (after I came home from work and wanted to take a nap before I cooked dinner). I know she sounds so sweet that you are surprised I left after only 20 years of marriage. But If it wasn’t for my kids Who did understand what I was going through and were there to help me I would have Lost even more of my mind than I did. So I guess what I am trying to say is I know a bit of what you are going though and if you ever want to vent or talk Message me on FB. Having a good support system is the only way to keep the fragile balance of sanity from tipping the wrong way. (not that I would be that good at it I think my sanity tipped long ago but I could have one of my kids talk to you lol 😉 )

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for all of this Trevor! For sharing and reminding me that I have friends who understand. It is this sort of support that can really carry through the hardest points.

      Yeah, the soon to be ex sounds like a peach. Let me know when that is all settled so I can congratulate you. I had one of those once..

      You might regret that offer the next time I am having a real bad day 😉 Just kidding. I will remember that I have someone I can go to 🙂 Thanks!

      Liked by 1 person

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