Confessions of a Tea Sippin’ Blogger: Why I Recently Left Several Blogging Groups

I have a tendency to avoid discussion posts of late. I find myself steering clear of joining in on them or posting them. I am not proud of this fact, but it is truth. I find more and more that I tire of sharing and debating on social media and public forums because it feels there is always someone lurking, just waiting to aggressively tell you how wrong you are or why they know best. It seems incredibly counterproductive and I can be a very non-confrontational person. So with that being said, this post has been drafted and deleted several times over the last month. And my apologies in advance, this is winded. If it sounds a bit negative, it truly isn’t. This is just discussion. So stick with me here.

confession1

Recently I pulled the plug on my relationship with several blogging groups I have belonged to for varying lengths of time. I silently slipped away and hit that “permanently leave group” button hoping it would go unnoticed.

burns.gif

I am not one to make a scene or complain. I am also sure that in most groups, my absence is unnoticed (they are rather large). I appreciate the new friendships, connections and opportunities these groups have given me. Most of the members are friends of mine on social media still. In fact, I highly recommend finding groups for networking if you spend a significant amount of time online. The right group offers support (emotional and tech), friendship and often inspiration. So why am I here telling you that I left some of them? Because I noticed an unhealthy pattern that I felt like exploring further with you for the sake of discussion. I am not seeking to rant nor do I wish to receive one.

In a single word: Scrutiny (this is my nice way of saying “judgement”).

For the past month or so my feeds were looming in a shadow. I noticed bloggers passing an ever scrupulous eye over one another. Now to be quite fair, I understand that judging is a natural, human behavior that most of us are guilty of on a somewhat daily basis. We all see things and instantly pass some form of internal judgement. With so much happening in our lives, we are surrounded by people and topics that seem to solicit our opinions. Opinions are great. Opinions encourage discussion and can bring about great changes, but how and when we choose to share them is everything.

So here was the problem I continued to encounter that finally gave me the needed “ummph” to leave those groups: I found myself unable to log in without reading at least one remark shaming or outing a blogger for how they have chosen to run their site, what they are or are not reading, or some other decision they had made. It felt depressing and somewhat suffocating for myself. So I had to ask myself, why? I cannot control social media. Life is full of people who need to be heard and jerks. But thankfully there are also “follow/unfollow”, “delete”, and “leave group” buttons (the beauty that is social media-right?). So why shouldn’t I take the steps to remove the negativity I actually had some control over?

I had tired of seeing shared screenshots of accounts or personal messages, especially when they are unaware that they are being shared to a large amount of people in a private group. After all, if we are going to point the accusational finger, let’s give the receiver the chance to speak for themselves. Not that I personally feel someone is obligated to answer to others for their varying blogging goals. My disagreeance with your choices do not give me the right to humiliate, berate or attempt to tell you how you should be doing it. And this is not an argument for or against monetizing a blog or any other hot topics. This is about what happens when others feel they have the right dictate how it should be done.  I would have to fill some pretty big pants to think I have earned that spot above fellow bloggers.

seriously-guise_fb_306029

My winded point is that we all have varying notions of right and wrong. We have individuals goals and desires. These are the very elements that set us apart and should also bring us together as a community. If I feel your blog isn’t for me, I don’t follow (same with social media accounts). There is no need to be aggressive or hurtful. It is pretty simple actually. But I will never feel that it is ok to post a bloggers info or link to them in an effort to shame their behavior. And I don’t enjoy hopping online to share my love of books and seeing a feed full of this nonsense. I do not think this is the purpose or principle that most groups are built upon, but yet it does happen.

tenor.gif

Now, I still ❤ love ❤ groups and the people in them, so I want to end this on a high note. Blogging groups are wonderful! And I believe the right group does exist for anyone. It is simply a matter of finding that group and not being discouraged when exploring groups and you find yourself disconnected with others. Everything in life is trial and error. So don’t be afraid to drift on when the winds of change touch your sails (poetic enough for you? 😉 ). I personally belong to three groups at the moment that are very ideal for my own needs:

  • Open-minded with a sense of humor but considerate of others.
  • A community that supports and promotes each other without endless spam.
  • A place to share advice and tips without telling one another how we “should” do it.
  • Overall – a positive air that makes me want to come back.

I am sharing this here because I have a feeling I am not the only one who has felt this and vocalizing is healthy. Also, I want personally make more of a conscious effort to openly discuss issues that matter to me without allowing my fear of negative feedback to interfere. As I mentioned, I am not proud of avoiding discussion posts.

So talk to me about social media and blogging groups:

What has your personal experience with social media and blogging groups been? Do you belong too many? What are you seeking in a group or have you ever left one (no names please)?

It is definitely possible to find a good home online, but sometimes not without a few bumps in the road.

Let’s Chat!

Danielle ❤

Connect With Me: FacebookTwitterTumblr and Instagram

53 thoughts on “Confessions of a Tea Sippin’ Blogger: Why I Recently Left Several Blogging Groups

  1. I wouldn’t worry about leaving a group if you don’t feel like being a part of it anymore. I’m more of a lurker myself but I don’t have any problems hitting the leave or unfollow button. It’s nice to see the people behind the blog and groups can be very supportive too though. I received amazing support from a blogger that I hadn’t really talked to a lot in the past but who went out on a limb to forward me a giveaway prize, so groups can be great if you’re in the right one.
    I have no idea what it is you’re talking about – maybe it’s for the best too – and I haven’t seen anything untoward anyone I know myself, but I wouldn’t appreciate people bashing other bloggers either. I’d just scroll over it though, simple as that and not pay attention. I’m sure not everyone in a group feels the same but I admit it’s not fun that it’s reflecting on the group. Don’t let it bother you, you’re not doing anything wrong by leaving a group ;-).

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Inge 💕 I feel comfortable now with my decision to leave those groups. It has really been a relief if I am honest. But I made so great friends and acquaintances through them, so I am thankful for that! It is wonderful you haven’t seen this behavior. Perhaps it is much mire limited than it felt. Which is fantastic news! I think having it happen in several groups over the last few months, I found myself shocked more than anything. It felt like a pattern. I love the groups I am still in 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! I only belong to one blogging group and I really like it. I’m a member of a few local photographic wildlife groups but rarely look at them these days but still like to pop in now and then. As you you there’s enough negativity in the world without having to continually see it in your news feed. Shaming is not helpful either to anyone and actually says more about them than anyone else!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! I love the groups I am still in 💕 They each offer plenty of support and positivity. I think I felt overwhelmed because it began happening in several groups at the same time. Of course, those groups held the usual suspects 😉 But I found myself disappointed the admins were allowing and at times contributing. It caught me off guard honestly. But I took away some bew friends. So there is always a plus!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Woohoo it’s the much vaunted discussion post. I’ve been waiting for this and it is a Fantastic post as I knew that it would be.😀

    Yeah, you hit the nail on the head straight away. There’s always someone preaching these days that they know best and it’s tiresome. I like confrontation, it brings debate but the nonsense is tiring when it’s not debate and it gets personal and adds nothing to the post or topic and is simply the person getting personal over your belief/view being different to their’s.

    Yep! I’m sure it went unnoticed you slipping away and I doubt people bothered about it. God, that sounds awful, sorry, it’s not meant to, it’s merely the truth. These groups are huge and unless you are one of the in-crowd or clique you are often ignored so people like you, me and the vast majority would go unnoticed by removing ourselves.

    I dislike the whole being told how to run your blog thing and it annoys the f#ck out of me. Everyone is different, everyone blogs differently and what works for one won’t always work for a boy. While there are lots of fantastic advice posts out there, yours truly has written some himself that’s all they are, advice but more and more I’m seeing posts that state you need to do this, this is the right way and it’s all because the blogger writing them does things that way and they are stating if you don’t do the same as them then you are wrong, nope, don’t like it at all and feel it needs to stop.

    Eurgh, screenshots, yeah, can’t agree with the sharing of them in groups. I did share screenshots on my FB blog page and in a blog post over an issue I had with an author but I wouldn’t have done it in a group. While I shared the shots I made sure that the author name, book, etc was blacked out to keep it anonymous as it’s only fair, it’s a private issue but as soon as you share a name it makes it public and I don’t agree with naming and shaming with these shots.

    Yeah, you can run your blog how you want, I’ve always said that but I do disagree with charging for reviews. It’s unfair on other bloggers, those that do it go about it in underhand ways and I think it’s unfair to the authors too as a couple of blogs who I know charge indie authors for reviews also get free books from the publishers too. But, anything else sure, your blog, your rules.

    I’ll tell you what annoys me too about SM and groups. Firstly SM, I tweeted the other day about cliques and that we (bloggers) are all the same. Sure, I wasn’t overly negative and it was a valid tweet but I got pulled up on my negativity which fine, that was the persons view however it was my view on my feed and I’m generally someone who shouts and praises book bloggers. Anyhow, I got another response calling me out on vague tweeting! They disagreed with my tweet because I hadn’t named the bloggers! I mean WTF! I’m not going to name people on SM, it’s uncool and isn’t me the tweet was just generalised and yet, vague! This is the culture of today, too many people want names and links and it’s wrong.

    Secondly, groups, too many cliques and arguing. At times unless you are part of the in crowd you’ll be ignored which is fine unless you ask a question then you’ll get interaction but what I’ve noticed is. Say, you ask for book recommendations, you’ll get loads, cool but there’s a chance that the post will kick off as someone will recommend a book and then another reads the post, hates that book and then kicks off. No, yeah, I didn’t like this due to this and that, etc but the old I hated it, my view is correct garbage people spew. Same for commenting on recommendations threads, there’s no point, you recommend a book and if someone disliked it they will kick off to you and that’s hassle no one wants or needs. Sure, explain why you didn’t like it but they don’t anymore, they just state their view is gospel.

    I don’t comment much in groups now, too much chance someone will kick off like they did a while ago with me and I just deleted the comment as I couldn’t be arsed with the hassle. But it made me weary. I came to the thread late, loads of comments and yeah, I used c#nt in my comment, people don’t like it as a word, sure but just leave it and move on but I got a hate filled reply about my language, vulgarity, etc. Sigh! As I said, perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word but it’s a word I use and the crux is, I’d come to the post late and there was comments with ars#hole, d#ckhead, tw#t, c#ck in the thread and no one had issues but as I wasn’t part of the in crowd I got hated.

    I think what I’d like in some groups is a chance, they don’t give you that though unless you are in their clique and to feel like I can be myself otherwise where is the fun and also, perhaps most importantly, to fetlock like there’s an actual point of being in the group.

    I have to say though that I don’t mind negativity, I fully understand that people would rather focus on the positive but there are negative aspects of blogging and the community and you need to balance both to get a whole picture.

    Great post not negative at all and very truthful.😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thanks so much Drew! I had a slight feeling you would relate to this in many ways.

      I won’t touch on charging for reviews (although I personally will not do it ) as I still believe to each their own. But you bring up so many valid points!

      Cliques exist in the community and SM. They exist everywhere in life honestly. I think I have been fortunate, that my quiet, backward side has never given me the desire to belong to them. So I can easily ignore them. But when they deicide to singal out or try to dictate (for lack of better words) things, it can have an overwhelming negative impact or effect. I personally do not benefit from negativity and so I chose to leave said groups. I have enough real life problems haha.

      I do feel you should keep doing just as you do. It seems crass for others to call out how we choose to post or what we share unless we are directly harming someone. If someone’s feed is bothering me, I will choose to mute or unfollow. A lot of times, you can hide someone’s feed without them being any wiser, so there is zero need to be hurtful or aggressive. Too many times have people tried to tell me how I should tweet or run my FB.. but it is mine 😉 While I appreciate well intended suggestions, I prefer to find followers and friends who enjoy things the way I do them and not altering myself to increase numbers or please someone with a big mouth haha. So I just keep doing me. Better to have a few hundred where you are free to enkoy yourself than thousands if it means putting on a “show”.

      I can certainly understand wanting a chance. I do think there are great groups out there. We all just have different needs and opinions. So it can take a while to find a good home. But if you keep looking, you will my friend!

      And ah yes, for each positive is a negative. It is silly to pretend otherwise. It is important to bring up issues or concerns and voice them, I just think it is how we chose to do so!

      It makes me feel wonderful that you didn’t find this too negative. I worked hard to try not to just rant. I wanted to discuss and acknowledge that I still love groups. Thank you 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Yeah, it’s not surprising that I agree with a lot of what you wrote. I often do, we may well word things completely differently but the sentiments and outcomes are more often than not the same and we agree on most things.

        Yeah, that’s fair enough about charging for reviews, it’s a touchy subject and some are vocal on it and some aren’t. No right or wrong in that. It’s very tricky as whatever reason they say they charge for there’s probably lots of other bloggers who could cite the exact same reason and yet they don’t charge. I do think personally that while most of us think it’s wrong that people wouldn’t have such an issue with it if the bloggers who charge were just honest about it, came out and said it in their review policy, etc and weren’t so underhand and sneaky. Another point, at times I think the authors incite the debate over charging too as they don’t seem to quietly ask bloggers that they know and are friends with by DM, messenger, etc and keep it private but instead go and post it in a FB group for bloggers with a couple of thousand members and it’s like tinder to a flame for the debate, I’ve been asked to pay for a review, unleash the hounds instead of just dealing with it privately and then, of course they get lots of offers to have their book reviewed for free so it works out well for them. Oh my, I’m being controversial!😂😂😂

        Sorry, tangent! Ha!😂 I go off on tangents, I’ve been writing up a reflecting on my blog in 2017 post and it has tangents galore in it!😂

        Exactly cliques exist everywhere! To say they don’t is crazy and wrong.

        Yeah, that’s true about how you bring up negatives. I personally always try and explain them and offer positives too but lots just spout all out hate with no explanation behind their view and to be honest, it’s always decent to temper the negative with the positive to show both sides.

        The one thing that I do find with negativity is that as soon as you are negative people want more, they need to know the who, what and why when it has nothing to do with them. Give a positive shout out to book bloggers and everyone will like, share, agree and take it as a given (say, you write all book bloggers are great, sure, they all agree and they don’t ask how you know that all bloggers are great but write something negative about a small group and they immediately want to know the ins and outs and question it).

        Exactly! Very very true about altering yourself to please others, you shouldn’t and you shouldn’t feel like you have to either. You should just be you, I should just be me and so should all the others. People will like your blog/you or they won’t, it’s there call but yeah, no need to alter yourself just for followers though I think there are quite a few people out there who do and I’m leaving that at that and not touching it with a barge pole!😂 That’s why my blog tag line is ‘my blog, my rules, my voice’ and if people don’t like how I post then fair enough but they can just leave and not expect me to change, nope.

        Ha! I am the King of negativity! It goes with my King of Sarcasm crown and halo!😂 And trust me, the post wasn’t negative at all.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thanks again Drew haha! Not touching most of what you have said here, but also not disagreeing 😉😂 But people are certainly nosy by nature and always want those details. I get curious to and cannot help but peak when ton of drama goes down (guilty). But I choose notnto weigh in normally. I am jist quieter by nature I think. I do find my voice though if I see someone being hurt. Then I am suddenly very loud!

          Well said my friend. You and I do usually see eye to eye and just express that in different ways. I think that is why we connected so easily when I started the blog. Our varying takes make for great convos 😊

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve heard of this happening but haven’t experienced too much myself as I’m a bit wary of blogging groups in general. Something about social media turns some people nasty and it’s just not something I want to experience.
    Having said that though I did have an old Facebook account where I knew a lot of authors and there was one group that run an event where I wasn’t happy about a part of it so I had a private word with one of the admins. Next thing I know is that all admins have been informed that I was apparently spreading hate about their group even though I had only good things to say about the event, I just thought one aspect of it could be better. I then think they spread this to all members as plenty of people I’d been chatting with casually ignored me. Felt like playground bullying you get at school and it’s just stupid.
    Like I said something about social media can bring out the worst in some people!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ah yes. I think playground bullying is a great way to describe. I will be fair and say I still belong to some very wonderdul groups (they do exist). But social media gives a sounding platform to thr masses and there are bound to be a few jerks haha. I tired of social media but don’t want to lose the connections (plus half of my friends and family are located across the country). So it is hard to close up accounts. I unplug as needed.

      That is too bad about the admins. I totally get it! The fact that some of the admins in the groups I was struggling with were not only allowing but actively engaging in this behavior was a breaking point for myself.

      Social media is a tricky one yeah?

      Thank you so much!

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Ha. This is why I only interact one on one with people now. Part of it is that I expect my blog to be treated like my home. YOU are coming to MY house and my rules apply. When I go to YOUR blog, I try to act like your rules apply. When in a group, I feel like it is a shopping mall situation at Christmas. People suddenly feel free to cut in line in front of me or take the item I’m looking at. Law of the (social) Jungle rules apply. Frack that!

    So now I’m much happier not getting angry at people being jerks.

    Of course, being a contrarian, now I want to join a blogging group JUST so I can leave it 😀

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Haha you are fantastic! Yes! Our blogs should be treated as our homes and respected as such. Unless I am directly harming another, step off with you “rules” or unsolicited “opinions” 😉

      But I do belong to like 3 groups at the moment and enjoy them very much. They are ran by very cool cats who get it and have no problem calling out any BS. So I will stay in those.

      Your direct honesty is one of the many reasons I favor your blog so much 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Because I’m not a huge fan of Facebook I’m not in May blogging groups but, interestingly, I recently joined one and then left because of the things you are talking about.mthere was a lot of negativity- which isn’t something I personally find on Twitter but maybe I’ve just been lucky? I have had such a positive experience of blogging, I don’t want to see the dark side. I don’t think it’s good for me and it doesn’t sound like it’s good for you. Look for the good, which is what it sounds like you are doing, and ignore the haters!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Emma! I am sorry you did experience something similar. It is very unhealthy in my opinion. Seems neither of us can thrive in that sort of environment 💕 I do promise there are just as many good goups though.

      I agree about Twitter. I have encountered some drama on there, but nothing that can even compare to Facebook. It seems safer. I wonder if this is do to the design and more limited interaction? If so, then brilliant on them!

      I feel much better having trimmed some of the less desirable. I hope your future experiences are more positive and that the one was not too discouraging 😘

      Like

    1. There are! And there are some fantastic groups out there. It is just a matter or finding those that are ideal for yourself 😊

      Most offer support and a place to promote and share. One of my current faborite groups is actually more about tech support and blogging tips. It is ran very well and a respectful group.

      I know I encountered a few less than ideal ones, but I do encourage you to explore them if interested!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m trying to reduce my Facebook usage in general, so wouldn’t join any blogging groups there, but a bunch of negativity would drive me right out. I can’t understand the need some people have to try to prove that they’re right and other people are wrong about things. A blog isn’t life or death. If you don’t like the person’s writing or page setup, then don’t follow them. Simple as that. There’s no need to be hateful about it, and it doesn’t achieve anything anyway.

    Somehow, this reminds me of a quote I saw this week attributed to the Buddha: “You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger”. It seems like the same would be true for the pettiness and spite that too often seem to go hand in hand with social media.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the quote 💕 So applicable to life in general. Adding it to my list of favorites.

      Yes, I will neber understand the need of some to “attack” or “dictate”. I mean, who truly cares? It really is as simple as you say. I have found positive support and help in groups as well. But wisened up and left those that offered anything less.

      Facebook is a real pain at times. I have thinned out grouos and friends constantly. I unplug for days when I am not up to it. I have a full plate. Let’s not pile the negative BS on top huh.

      Thanks Kim 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right? In five years, will it matter how someone formatted their blog, or what sort of review they gave? If your stated goal is to expand a community and make friends, its hard to do that if you’re tearing people down.

        Right now, I’m on Facebook every night at least, to post my daily photo, and that’s how I keep up with my book club, but in 2018, I might be able to cut back to every couple of days or every few days. I hope!

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Personally I have found it wonderful to limit me social media groups. I don’t do twitter, facebook, and got rid of me groups. I just don’t have the time for one and I like the one-on-one I get with the folk who follow me blog. There are consequences to this like less followers and less physical arcs and no “real” relationships with publishers. But I get almost no negativity on me blog and I know the people who comment and read it actually want to. Now to be fair I follow over 350 blogs at this point because I can’t help meself and actively try and comment on these blogs and occasionally on Goodreads. So I guess that is me social media. And as for getting arcs, Netgalley works just fine for me and besides I have hundreds of me own books to read. I won’t be running out of reading material anytime soon. The only issue I have found recently is disagreeing with some folk’s personal opinions – like gay marriage for example cause I support it. But ultimately I usually find out in an accidental way about the bloggers personal beliefs and then have to figure out if I still want to follow their blog. Depends very much on the blog. But I am a firm believer that differences of opinion on books and life can enrich society. I love when people hate books that I loved and can explain why! Beliefs matter in terms of how ye treat other people. But that is a topic for another day. Excellent thoughtful discussion. Very much enjoying the other comments.
    x The Captain

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Captain! Very well said 😊

      I can see how omitting the social media would be very satisfying. I have reconsidered it many times. I love the idea of just following through blogs (as I am also not concerned with numbers) Plus with my health, it is hard to stay active on all accounts. But my entire family is across the country and that is one of the few reasons I find it hard to delete accounts haha. But I unplug often 😉

      I think that making a personal decision on whether to follow others is the best way. We should do what makes us feel right. I just wish some could do so without making unnecessary scenes. It is as simple as you say really. Decide whether it is for you and if not move on.

      I will admit it is not all negative though. I have developed some fantastic friendships through social media. But the idea of simply just the blog does appeal to me.

      Thanks again, for everything!

      Like

  9. There is no reason to stay somewhere that is making a negative impact on your daily life. They want to spread negativity on a daily basis I wouldn’t stay. I’m sure not all of them were negative just like all of us are not negative. We have enough crap in our lives weighing us down that we don’t need more! 😀 I think you made the right choice!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ah not particularly, as there are so many and I would not one to feel I was promoting it over another 😉 Although, I do recommend ones that are tailored to support (tech and blogging issues). They seem to be moderated well and offer a lot of insight without all of the spam and possible drama. It is such a matter of preferences. I would say explore a few and see where you feel you fit best! Some of the ones I left are very large and popular, so it just goes to show how much tastes can vary ❤ I hope you are well Karen. I was catching up on some of your booktube in bed the other day. I am terrible for commenting on Youtube, but love your videos!

      Like

  10. This is an interesting post Danielle! Personally, I’m not overly involved in social media and I’ve never joined Facebook so I feel like I stay away from the pettiness I always hear about that is Facebook. I find that the blogging community itself and the Goodreads and Instagram communities are very supportive and that’s where I choose to spend all my time. I’m glad you made the decision that worked best for you and that you’re still in groups you enjoy. To me, life is too short for all the other negativity and pettiness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right Renee!💕 I neber see dram on Instagram and avoid it pretty easy on GR. Staying off of Facebook is wise 😉 while I am thankful for the connections to others, it has definitely been a double edged sword. By far the most dramatic of social media haha. I wouldn’t have joined if I knew then what I know now. But the good with the bad. Thank you always – xx

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Wow. That sounds pretty stressful. I admit there are discussion posts I’ve wanted to do and have not (or even deleted after spending hours working on them) because I don’t want to deal with the inevitable backlash that seems to occur in the book blogging community. I can’t even imagine how stressful it be within a group where you’re expecting to find friends and like-minded individuals, and then realize it’s all about the shaming. I’m glad you found groups that are welcoming!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 💕 there are plenty of wonderdul groups for sure. I belong to a few, and to be fair, I don’t think the grouos were built upon shaming but once it began, it seemed to be not only supported but encouraged. It is sad honestly. Since when do we have nothing more productive to do? I look back now and laugh at the fact that I stayed as long as I did. But not being able to particpate in the grouo and avoiding the threads should have told me all I needed to know 😉

      I know what you mean about not posting every discussion. I have danced around some. This one was trimmed a ton. I wanted to talk about it, but not whine haha.

      Thanks Krysta!

      Like

  12. I’m sorry you had to experience that. While I am not in any blogging groups, I have faced judgment from self-help/support sort of groups, which just blows my mind. I do not blame you for wanting to distance yourself from the unnecessary drama!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just cannot wrap my head around it. Most of these groups were built on the concept of support. I guess it only takes a few to muddy the waters. I am sorry to hear you have experienced the same. But what can we do? Distancing myself was the best decision. Now I belong to only 3 great groups and there is no stress or drama 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I have no idea of what you’re talking about but I mostly agree. I no loger take part in groups… it’s been a few months and it’s mostly because I don’t have the time, I prefer to just keep reading and posting and sharing 🙂 But there were a few things that I didn’t like either

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am glad you have not experienced it. I cut way back and am honestly thankful to have done so. I think my problems began with people simply adding me to every group. I should have politely excused myself at the first signs of “not my cup of tea”. I expect some bumps when you have so many people together, but not that haha. And yeah, I totally feel you on time. Mine is very stretched. Hope you are well 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Fantastic post Danielle and I agree with what you said. I got tired of the ‘how can you like THAT or not love THIS’ vibe on some of the groups. The good groups I just left through lack of time to be on them. I am strict on my blog. I like discussion, I have no issue with bloggers disagreeing with me if it is done respectfully and part of a friendly debate so you are always welcome to share your thoughts on discussions at The Book Cave!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It seems so hard to have a productive discussion at times. I am amazed by the number of people I encounter that seem to believe their opinion is the only right one. But I know there are plenty of others who welcome a good discussion. Luckily, the good groups I am in now do not seem to mind my limited time so it works.

      I always welcome discussion with you my friend! 😊

      Like

  15. Absolutely wonderful post, Danielle! No one could’ve said it better. Love that you still ended it on a positive note though. Personally I didn’t join any groups whatsoever and never really thought I should since my taste in books is so varied and I really want to focus on things I want to read or already have. I also keep on imagining these groups and bookclubs, and that’s already quite complicated for the reading speed I got hahaha I’m surprised however that there’s badmouthing and judgmental things being passed around about others. I mean… I can’t imagine a group out there that has folks talking trash about me for example. Pretty sad to imagine such a thing exists. Thank you for sharing this with us, Danielle. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thanks so much Lashaan ❤ I must have edited this a million times. I was so worried that it would sound so negative. I love good grous, but sadly, not all are a good fit. I don't participate in book club groups though, for the very reasons you mentioned. My tastes vary too greatly haha. And no one, but ever have an unkind word for you.. EVER. 😉 Just saying.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Great post! I’m mostly a lurker in groups, but I will leave if the group is negative or always fighting. I think people need to remember that we’re talking about books on the Internet. It’s a hobby. We’re not saving the world. There are much better things to get angry about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could not agree more! Sometimes others seem to take certain matters so seriously and I cannot figure it out. Why the hostility? And who am I to say what another should or should not do with books or their blog? I hope you have a fantastic week Aj 😊

      Like

  17. First of all, I think I just fell in love 😀 because the way you wrote this post? It’s… it’s… it brings a tear to my eye! I love it! Just the perfect amount of good and bad, balanced and thoughtful! Great post, indeed and I couldn’t have said it better… and! Like with everything in life- one just has to cut the crap! Drama? negativity? Just let them go.. I learned that a while back, all by myself I learned it 😀 hahaha… happier for it, too! I joined a few groups and to be honest, I’m thinking of leaving them; some days are OK, other’s are a bit more dramatic and full of stuff that the whole wide world simply doesn’t need to know about.. you know? There’s a time and a place for everything… and I hardly have time anymore to go off on long FB/twitter chats… which is kind of sad as well, but priorities! 🙂
    I love this post and no one could have written this in a more respectful manner than you did! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! I struggled so with this. Literally edited it like 10 times over the month because it kept sounding crass and all negative. You have reassured me that I made the right decision sharing this though 💕 I honestly say, if there is any drama at all.. leave ’em. Right? Who needs it? Not you, not I. We know better 😉 and we have better things to do than sit around judging others I think. I only belong to like 3 on FB now and they ate zero drama.

      You the man Stan.. you the man 💕

      Like

  18. No blogging groups for me! I get enough support and help from what I call my Blogging Buddies. They are a core group of bloggers (like you and Liis) whom I am also interconnected with on a lot of different social media platforms. This works best for me because they all have personalities that can deal with mine. Heh heh. 😇

    Those bloggers were screen shotting accounts and personal messages? Yikes! 😱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah! I can totally relate and am thankful to be included in that group of buddies 😘 I trimmed some serious fat this year and am still doing so. I have only a very small handful of groups I belong to now where my personality seems to fit well and I can seek “welcomed” advice haha. I will keep it very limited going forward 😉

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.